God, why this one is your creation so perfect. I said to myself while staring endlessly Ragil. My best friend. He was in love. This time with a younger class the other day accidentally spilled a glass of hot milk in her uniform. It's strange children, rather than angry. He even filmed. The next day, more precisely now he comes to me with a beaming face and said that he was in love with the younger class and promised to immediately memacarinya.
I can only congratulate and share happiness. At least that's what I'm putting out before him. I'm too tired, I'm too used to hearing this kind of news. It should, as a friend, I can sincerely encouraged her. But in fact I mostly keep my heart ache. Whether these feelings arise because I too love with my best friend that I was not ready when she put more attention on anyone else or am I really in love with him. For the second option, I've rejected the statement, I always try to throw those feelings away, I do not want to ruin my friendship with him has been running for more than eight years, since we are still in the fifth grade until now we both the third grade of high school.
I met with the Ragin for the first time when she moved to my school. He moved from Germany. His parents are divorced since she was seven years old. Ragil had two sisters, both of them women. Both brother join the mamahnya in Bandung, and Ragil himself brought her father to Germany. Because her father wanted to marry again and a little less Ragin approve it, Ragil deported to Indonesia.
Still fresh as Ragil diingatanku small middle shyly introduced by our homeroom as a new student dikelasku. Her cheeks were flushed and looked very contrasting dikulitnya which is white. After the meet, the teacher invited the Ragin choose seats were still empty. Ragil choose an empty spot next to me because it happened to a friend sebangkuku sick My face was flushed instantly, just my skin that hides a dark red hue. Well, I am dark, but thanks, I'm blessed with a high body levels and from here too that I got the nickname 'SEkso', short for 'The Exotic'. I do not know where my friends know what is the meaning of exotic, I just realized when stepping on the seventh grade.
In our class, Ragil looks striking with her appearance is arguably the coolest place to the size of the fifth grade of elementary school children. He often wore cool hats that normally only we see on television. Because of its superiority in appearance, Ragil not take long to get a lot of friends. In addition she was the only child who is very stylish, Ragil also kind, he's also smart. I am often slow to learn anything so feel greatly helped the Ragin presence, Ragil often gave free private lessons, he often came to my house to teach me. Darisana is our closeness begins and eventually we vowed to be friends forever. It looks a little excessive, but it proved to be, we promise childhood was never violated by anything. No exception affairs growing feelings. Perhaps more precisely my own feelings about it growing. Because I've seen so far Ragin never once showed signs that he likes me as a friend outside.
"Al, like a message apah? Mulu daydream, already awaited mbaknya ya "apparently daritadi I daydream anyway? Shame, as I recall before I had to smile own anyway. Bodohnyaa!!
"Oh, hehe .. sorry! I want apple juice aja deh. "Cengengesan I replied, and I was sure my face was flushed now. Again, I thank endowed dark skin.
"Nih diet again? Want a diet that part again anyway, there ya ya, your body is already really skinny! Here, pinky wrote less skinny! "
"Ah, not really," I answered briefly, I was just embarrassed by the incident.
Ragil back chattering class hero brother. Ragil is quite a playboy. He often mutually boyfriend. I still consider it reasonable, yet he's got a pretty cute face. Any girl will be charmed made. I am no exception. Oops!
Sometimes I'm grateful Ragin not serious about the relationship, it was a sign that the Ragin still have not found the right his heart and, well, hope that might stay the hope that someday Ragil be looked at as people, not as a friend.
I've never had a special addition to Ragil, I've never had a boyfriend. I always close my heart. I always refused anyone who came in and wanted to fill my heart.
One day there was a guy suddenly ngedeketin me over the phone. I do not know where he dapet number. At first I responded. But unfortunately, over time I realized that this guy wants hubungaan more than friends. automatically, my heart refused, I began to avoid him. Two or three days I started to work not related at all either via telephone or message, but in fact this person actually appeared in front of my house. I wonder where he got to know my home address. But I keep a good question. I appreciate his efforts to get close to me, but again I confirmed him. I do not want a relationship beyond friendship. Until one day I overheard a conversation Ragil with others over the phone. I was furious to hear that. How can Ragil have any intention to fix me up with someone else, let alone without my knowledge. Ragil argued he is always sorry to see me alone. I do not believe it, but I have repeatedly stressed to him about my principles would not want a relationship with anyone. And a little extra for my own 'I do not want a relationship with anyone other than you Gil'.
"Al, I want a serious talk with you." Ragin words once again successfully interrupted my thoughts.
"Apah want to talk? Instead daritadi preman already serious ya? "I teased.
"Al!" Ragin asserts tone. I know this is really serious, Ragil never mess with what she's saying.
"I'm sorry. Please "
"Al, I apologize in advance. Hopefully this is only limited to my imagination .. "Ragin stop words and breath for a moment. Now he looks very serious, sharp eyes pierced deep into my eyes. Not feel my heart beats two times faster than normal. ah wrong! It seems like five times faster. Yeah right! Five times faster! I spontaneously participated sigh followed.
"Like I said, hopefully it's just my imagination. I felt you liked Al. instead I turned you down. But you know, I'm the type of person who does not want a relationship more with my best friend because I value our friendship Al, I do not want to spoil anything that has existed between us over the years. "
All the words uttered ragil just really pierced my heart right on target. It was my body warmed up instantly. Getting up and walked up to my eye lids. Oh no! I guess I will shed a tear. Ragil can not see this. I quickly said goodbye to the restroom and ran away.
Arriving small room, I immediately went to one of the empty booths. I guess there spilled everything. God, why so fast it's all over. Now I can no longer secretly loves. It might even be from now on I can no longer with him. Pain that had been accumulated each time Ragil telling about his feelings that were hit by overflowing love for granted. It comes in my heart regrets why do I have to be a friend Gil, if only I knew in the beginning that it would end like this. I would prefer to reject you when you want to sit first bersebalahan with me, so we do not need to be a friend. So I had a chance to briefly have a heart.
There was already a half hour I was in the restroom. I remember there is still a waiting Ragin there, or the fact he had left home.
I took out my hp. There are dozens of missed calls and all of Ragin, there are also several incoming messages. All of Ragil. I hit the reply button and type something to my post on the Ragin.
Gil, sorry. I guess for now, I need time alone. You wrote home first. I'm fine. Sorry, I leave you all of a sudden J
Sent!
After sending a message to Ragin, I got out of the booth. I looked at my face through the glass before me. Ugly, I thought to myself. I wash my face and sighed deeply. I hope Ragil really understand what I want now and he's really home. I'm do not want to see him for today. at least as long as my heart is still in turmoil.
***
Already one month passed since the incident and I still do not want to deal with Ragin, I still can not accept all this. so far I've gotten used to her friendship with the underlying expectation is so great about it and this time I had to actually throw away hope. Ragil was forced to swallow hope it roundly to the bottom of my heart. I still have not been able to.
Every time Ragil persuaded to talk to me, I always refused. Not me hate Gil, I just felt it was rejected. Hope you understand my feelings.
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